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In a night meant for fun and laughter, Dakota and her tiny friends gather for a sleepover, unaware of the lurking danger. As Dakota's mother sleepwalks, driven by a vivid dream, the tinies face a terrifying fate that turns their innocent gathering into a twisted nightmare.
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Posted by Beaver 4 months ago Report
Great story
Posted by EagleEye 4 months ago Report
This is quite a good story, though I'd suggest trying to be a little less repetitive. Like, for example, every time Marianne grabs a new tiny to eat, it's practically the same line every time:
"Marianne reached for Ruby, stripping her of her clothes, her jet-black hair falling in front of her flushed face as her small but curvaceous body was exposed."
"Next, Marianne grabbed Kendra. She stripped Kendra of her clothes, her dark skin glistening in the dim light. Kendra's unapologetically curvy figure was now fully bared"
"Marianne grabbed Mia, peeling away her clothes until she was completely naked. Mia's innocent features, her round glasses now discarded, contrasted with her soft, plump breasts and gentle curves."
"Next, Marianne reached for Vanessa. She peeled away Vanessa's clothes, revealing her statuesque form—her toned legs and full breasts making her a striking sight"
I could go on, but the point is demonstrated I think. It's not that the writing is bad, but using essentially the same lines and phrasing over and over again for each tiny, especially when there are so many, becomes quite obvious when there's not much in between these paragraphs.
Posted by GGO 4 months ago Report
Yes I think so too. I struggled with that to be honest. You can see in certain parts I tried to vary it but many of them are almost the same. Thanks for the feedback!
Posted by iliketoread 4 months ago Report
Hot story, I really enjoyed the scenario you've come up with here. I do agree with what EagleEye said about regarding the repetitiveness. I struggle with repetitiveness in my own writing, what I've been doing recently has been to try look up synonyms when I used certain words too much. Sort of helps I think.
Again, great story! Tinies belong in bellies!
Posted by GGO 4 months ago Report
I actually take great inspiration from your work, so thank you!
...and yes, tinies belong in bellies ;)
Posted by Whereaminow27 4 months ago Report
I would love to see a part 2, with her getting bigger assets, and realizing what happened.
Sya like she woke up doing this again with the last girl halfway down, and she instinctively swallowed, then after she realized what happened to the others and her daughter. Also Asset/Weight Gain :)