Posted by nephilim 13 years ago Report

WARNINGS: This is unwilling, non-consensual, twisted, and flirts heavily with hard-vore. There are also sexual overtones.

Posted by Drudicta 13 years ago Report

You sir, made something.... beautiful. I have now created a folder specifically for stories because of you, thank you. =)

Posted by nephilim 13 years ago Report

Thank you! I love how you call me sir :3 hehe

Posted by Cerulesta 13 years ago Report

Dear god I love this story. I... there are no words, even, and usually I feel like I'm not half bad at offering compliments. But... just... damn. Your writing style is overwhelming. The amount of emotion you put into it, the amount of development you've managed to give the characters and their relationship... it's mind-blowing, really and truly. I said that I couldn't wait to read more when I read the introduction, and that statement stands more now than it ever did before. You are an amazing author. <3

Posted by nephilim 13 years ago Report

What does one say to this? I can only humbly say thanks. I greatly appreciate this and all your kind words. I write because of satisfied reactions such as this (:

Posted by tangent 13 years ago Report

I love you. Ditto to everything else everyone has already said, because god/damn/.

My only wish is that you never stop writing these. This was poetry. <3

Posted by nephilim 13 years ago Report

thank you! Thank you so much. I really am humbled by the support and kind words. I will write more (:

Posted by nephilim 13 years ago Report

Thank you so much everyone. This is the reason I write. I make an emotional connection with the characters and the reader (:

Posted by Marked 12 years ago Report

Well, I suppose I'll post here, partly because this comment section is the most bare bones of the four acts, but also because this was the most powerfully affecting part for me.

I was pleased as punch with how my first story turned out...

And oh have I been humbled.

What can I really say, everything from the pacing, the language used, and just the feel of the characters, it all wove together in a way that makes my head spin. I seriously don't know how you do it, but man I want to learn. Just the fact that you could carry on a story line I see told in one part, yet always keep it moving with excellent pacing and details is something I quite admire. As some of your other comments have mentioned this is poetry in the guise of a story. I meant it when I say I might see this story as more a magical realism piece intended as a metaphor for relationships, exploitation, maddness than strictly bound by the conventions of the vore genre (is it weird I think vore is it's own genre?)

Anyway, on to why this particular part way particularly good... Well, I was going to point this out, although prisoner beat me to the punch, but I too sometimes had a bit of trouble figuring out where and in what position Eva was in inside Danny's mouth. this was particularly of note here because I didn't realise he was swallowing her head first until a little later on. Still I figured it out, and that that sidetrack did not decrease my enjoyment. You wrote a very fine pred... One that got into my head perhaps a little too much...

I felt... comtempt at first for Danny. Here he was, trying to protect his friend from himself, but with so very little self control. Surely I would do much better than he for the sake of someone I liked... Wouldn't I? I would push her forwards, rather than back... I could resist , if I were in his place. Well as it unfolded I found myself becoming more and more disturbed by... Myself. My toes curled and my teeth ached. It wasn't the usual (sexual) desire, it was pure hunger, with just a hint of sadism.

There were two lines in particular, both of which I felt at first were terrible examples and broke the flow, but which were vital in awakening what I felt. First was the line about the x-ray at the dentist, I was not sure why that came up, especially as something the prey, rather than the pred would think. Next was the comparision to the sound of crunched celery, which I thought was just plain cheesy, what gives? Well, my eyes hadn't travelled more than three lines from those two tid-bits when what I was reading brought them into focus. I could feel how I used to bite down at the dentist, I could hear the crunch of a celery stick... And together, it made what was going on frightfully vivid, not just in my mind but physically present to me. I must confess I had to take a break midway through for a quick walk and some time squeezing a stress ball, for my hands and feet wanted to do so badly what my teeth could not. So in short, wow, not sure if all that says something about my own sanity, but it was undoubtedly a powerful experience.

What else was there? I loved the line about a tongue controlling someone utterly from prelude, parallels the way that words from the tongue can also control someone, doesn't it? Wasn't a big fan of the times Eva remembered random facts about the digestive system from vlass, it seemed forced. It was fascinating to read the little details about how sound and pressure would change inside a mouth, and how that would effect a micro. Those are things I don't see enough people giving much thought to.

The ending... was an enormous surprise to me! Like I said, vore is a genre to me and that kind of ending just doesn't happen. Guess I'll have to read the next part and find out if that's really the end of the story, or if you just really like drawing things out :p the imagery at the end was a nice touch too.

Also, curse you! Just when I think I'll give you're stuff a try for the first time, you come up with some contest! I sware I was gonna get to it all, but now I feel forced to read all your stuff first instead of my other backlog of stories on my reading list, not to mention finding time to write myself -grumbles, not realy minding- I'll just take a stab at the dark with my limited astrology knowledge and guess Danny to be a Cancer?

Hmmmmm I wonder if you can guss my sign?

Thanks again for pointing me towards this amazing story.

Posted by nephilim 12 years ago Report

Goodness, wow. What a response! Let me try to address what is said here.

I meant it when I say I might see this story as more a magical realism piece intended as a metaphor for relationships, exploitation, maddness than strictly bound by the conventions of the vore genre
====================
Correct. I see vore as something that can embellish and enhance a story piece; as opposed to detract or define it. Vore itself can be used as a story-telling vehicle, an erotic element, or a motif.

I try to anchor my vore in an arena of realism. Made real, of course, by the characters that engage the story itself. Normally I would have an interesting or lively backdrop, but for the purpose of this sordid tale I purposely kept it nondescript so that we can watch the developments unfold from behind their eyes

Well, I was going to point this out, although prisoner beat me to the punch, but I too sometimes had a bit of trouble figuring out where and in what position Eva was in inside Danny's mouth
==================
I am prey-minded, so I'm not surprised. I have made a renewed effort to delve more into the predator's perspective in my future pieces. I really... I wasn't even aware until Prisoner - now you - pointed it out (:

This was particularly of note here because I didn't realise he was swallowing her head first until a little later on. Still I figured it out, and that that sidetrack did not decrease my enjoyment.
===============
It was intentionally a slow, belated reveal. Much like how she is slow on the uptake herself.

Surely I would do much better than he for the sake of someone I liked... Wouldn't I?
==============
There is a lot of subtlety in my reading. If you go through the story again, you may pick up on some deliberate stage setting. This has been on Danny's mind for quite some time (as demonstrated by the fantasy-interlude when he recalls suckling on her fingers) ; their relationship is fast unraveling (they're an intimate couple, have been for years, and yet he's sleeping on the couch) ; Danny rouses to anger easily (due to the unresolved resentment he feels toward her) and she senses his dearth of intimacy, and it makes her resent him. They argue easily, which speaks to a large, sweeping unresolved issue, and there is even suspicion when she accuses him of cheating. So, here we have a relationship already starting its downward spiral. And one can only go on for so long, resisting and resisting and resisting... and perhaps, maybe one night, everything aligns just /right/ and he lets himself give in...

Well, my eyes hadn't travelled more than three lines from those two tid-bits when what I was reading brought them into focus. I could feel how I used to bite down at the dentist, I could hear the crunch of a celery stick... And together, it made what was going on frightfully vivid, not just in my mind but physically present to me.
==============
Sometimes - SOMETIMES - as the author I take a creative risk and sacrifice flow and poetry for something more pedestrian and relatable to drive deep into the intrinsic knowledge, that prey-mind we all have. We all know what a celery sounds like snapping, we all know what it feels like to bite down on the x-ray wings. Sure, it's "clunky" and doesn't quite fit the tone of the paragraph, but it's there to create realism, to evoke a visceral response. And given how YOU responded, you can see why I included it (;

(Funny how you picked out the 2 lines that I AGONIZED over for days, wondering whether or not to leave them in. Eventually, I left them in, because it is very feasible that a micro prey would be thinking just that in such terrifying moments. They try to take this rushed, elevated, horrifying moment and bring it back down to earth with the simple and non-poetic. Celery stalks, and x-ray guards.

I must confess I had to take a break midway through for a quick walk and some time squeezing a stress ball, for my hands and feet wanted to do so badly what my teeth could not. So in short, wow, not sure if all that says something about my own sanity, but it was undoubtedly a powerful experience.
============
That's fascinating to me, that my writing could affect you so. I take that as a compliment. That is no different than when I hurl a book across the room when reading Game of Thrones lol.


I loved the line about a tongue controlling someone utterly from prelude, parallels the way that words from the tongue can also control someone, doesn't it?
=============
(: I'm glad you picked up on that

Wasn't a big fan of the times Eva remembered random facts about the digestive system from vlass, it seemed forced.
============
I struggled with this too. Eventually I left it in simply for the fact that any sane human being probably WOULD flash on those retrospective memories, trying to assign meaning to the insanity happening around them.

It's also to draw parallels to innocence, nostalgia, and just how bizarre and unbelievable the experience is. And it offers same dramatic irony.

It was fascinating to read the little details about how sound and pressure would change inside a mouth, and how that would effect a micro. Those are things I don't see enough people giving much thought to
==================
I live for this (: Finding new ways to present the mouth as a living, breathing environment.

As for the ending... there is a part 2. You shall see. I think it was imperative Danny fail the first time, that way the second attempt is - if possible - even more intense and gratifying.

Posted by nephilim 12 years ago Report

What can I really say, everything from the pacing, the language used, and just the feel of the characters, it all wove together in a way that makes my head spin.
===========
I let the characters write themselves (:

Now, Intimacy was NEVER meant to spawn a series / sequel. But, after Danny had a ROUSING reception, and I - suddenly - realized his merit as an ironic anti-hero, I decided to push forward to a sequel, and now, eventually, a series.

So.... I have had more time to delve into the characters of my world, and - my favorite - settings and scenery. You may find my cast to be quite engaging.

Gypsy Blood is the sequel to this, and... it's a doozy.

Posted by nephilim 12 years ago Report

Damn. What Cancers do YOU know xD lol.

Anyways.... I always am a sucker for a psychological thriller / cat and mouse, which is why I padded this story out into 2 parts. I love the idea of a vore survivor grappling with her fragmented memories, and the predator slowly luring the prey back to him, which is a delicate dance, capable of triggering her memories at any given time.