Uploaded: 9 years ago
Views: 19,003
File size: 285.47 KiB
MIME Type: application/rtf
Comments: 10
Favorites: 105
Author: 100154
Editors: Groblek,
max123,
Apostolos,
Dostoron
Summary:
Katherine and her boyfriend take a camping trip with their younger siblings. At first the trip goes well and everyone is having a good time until it's time to go to bed. Then thing's get weird as the night progresses Katherine an earth witch begins to have an odd dream where she is walking through the forest with her boyfriend when she realizes she's pregnant. Suddenly woken by a large contraction as her dream becomes a spell forcing her to accept her new role as a mother. But if the dreams spell is coming true then will she get her boyfriend as her husband or will the spell be too strong making her unbirth him too.
Review
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Posted by Apostolos 9 years ago Report
Glad to see it up now... Good story...
Posted by DresdenQ 9 years ago Report
well done!
Posted by 100154 9 years ago Report
Thanks ;D
Posted by 100154 9 years ago Report
I don't think the story would be half as good if I hadn't gotten the help and support I did from the Editors.
Posted by max123 9 years ago Report
Great work
Posted by night22 9 years ago Report
It's jarring to have the story shift from journal writing to a third person narrative multiple times in the same paragraph. It even happens in the first paragraph. My advice is to put journal stuff in quotations.
Also, it feels like you split the first paragraph off from the 2nd with no real reason to.
Posted by 100154 9 years ago Report
Ok, how can I fix it for the future?
Posted by night22 9 years ago Report
I'm not a very good writer myself, but I'll try to explain.
The flashback/recap going on in the first two paragraphs are within the same "frame" of events going on, so it fits better if they're in the same paragraph.
Posted by YellowBae 5 years ago Report
Will there be a Part two?
Posted by 100154 5 years ago Report
I wasn't planning on one, but if you have a suggestion on how you'd like to see it more forward I'd like to hear it.