Posted by IceCreamStand 8 years ago Report

Wow. This is an excellent work. Your characters are so well-realized, and the descriptions are top notch all the way through. I'm glad I randomly clicked through to this story. :)

Posted by Barghest236 8 years ago Report

Thanks! I don't usually write stories with this many central characters, so I'm glad it seems to work.

Posted by MasterGryph 7 years ago Report

This is when things really got intense.

Dr. Rosen does a good job keeping Summer off balance with BS. If Summer had time to think, she might have realized she still had good moves: Go to the police with word of a large number of disappearances at her workplace (it's obviously in the dozens at least), without mentioning that she knew the cause. Most people would assume that corporate regulations mean nothing in the face of actual laws.

If we take Rosen's arguments seriously: well, they hire people for what should have been among the lowest-stakes job in the world, deceived them into believing that (through lies of omission mostly), then throw them to the wolves. The medicine helps people, but most would have gotten by with the previous varieties so her argument is pretty weak when you think about it. And she must know that.

Posted by Barghest236 7 years ago Report

I feel like there are three root causes of the Institute’s shady side: finance, arrogance, and Machiavellian indifference. If funding is drying up for whatever reason, then the admins start cutting costs; instead of using dedicated salaried staff for things like greenhouse maintenance, they shuffle around existing personnel (i.e. cheap interns) to fill in the cracks. And when things inevitably go wrong, management will absolve themselves with the admittedly thorough safety handbook — because obviously the only reason there are accidents is that the largely-untrained, non-expert interns didn’t read the manual. Either way, it’s a small price to pay for the noble work to continue!

The more you mention it, the more I see that something -has- to be up with Rosen — beyond simply being a frigid bean-counter. I always intended her flaw to be an issue of perspective — that the big picture is worth any sacrifices along the way. But there is something clearly predatory about the way she basically bullies a shocked Summer into compliance. While this doesn’t change my ultimate plan for her, it will affect the tone when it happens.

Also, I love that you’re putting so much thought into this story! Constructive criticism is immensely helpful but rare to get — especially for a piece this long. Thank you!

Posted by MasterGryph 7 years ago Report

It's starting to become my thing. (I really should start writing my own stories again.)

And, while the first few chapters were great black comedy, switching to a Drama focus changes what the audience expects. If Summer's subplot had ended with her taking the money and leaving her position (or being thrown into the greenhouses to keep her quiet - because why would Rosen have been telling the truth about that particular thing?), I doubt I'd have put this much thought into it.

Posted by Barghest236 7 years ago Report

The big tonal switch was originally an accident -- the effort to keep characters grounded forced my hand. But something about it felt so right. Even though we the audience knew what was happening in the Institute, the main protagonist had no idea. And then "the Incident" happened; suddenly everything seemed serious and even menacing. I really think that pivot is causing some of my best dramatic writing ever.

(And yes, you -should- start writing again!)

Posted by PrinnyDood 6 years ago Report

Man, I'd really forgotten how GOOD you are at writing in general. This whole things was flawless from a technical perspective (as far as my laymen eyes can tell, anyway) and a pleasure to read, even if you don't count the excellent voreness.

I must admit I'm kinda getting invest in the plot here too, which I certainly did not expect what I started the series. The characters are so distinct and well-realized, even when they don't have a ton of screen-time outside of being devoured.

Fantastic stuff!

Posted by Barghest236 6 years ago Report

Thanks, that means a lot!

It's funny to think that this series -- which started simply as my first crack at making vore stuff -- is arguably becoming my best writing ever. My stories don't usually have this many perspective characters, this much narrative movement, or even this many words (currently around 24k -- almost twice as much as my last record).