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One way trip to the University Health Center
By joeburp22181 -- Report
Uploaded: 7 years ago
Views: 8,929
File size: 49.15 KiB
MIME Type: application/rtf
Comments: 8
Favorites: 94
Oh the struggles of a young, aspiring college student~
Comment on One way trip to the University Health Center
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Posted by shortprey20 7 years ago Report
A great story and an interesting premise but it needs some revision and editing. Otherwise it was great
Posted by joeburp22181 7 years ago Report
Constructive criticism is great and appreciated. If you could be more specific it would however be more useful to me so I can learn to improve.
Posted by joeburp22181 7 years ago Report
Keep in mind Rtf doesn't allow paragraph tabbing / spacing.
Posted by dcvfgb1234 6 years ago Report
Think he means that there's several places where you have grammatical errors. Nothing major, but it does stand out in places.
Posted by dcvfgb1234 6 years ago Report
What a story. How did I miss this until now. I really like how you did this. There could have been more focus on the digestion, but overall it's great. Also loved how you tried to give references to masses and such thereby showing how insignificant Matt had become.
You are messing up a bit ont he size though as you have Brittany close her lips around him when he's 7'' tall and most mouths aren't that deep (I think).
Posted by joeburp22181 6 years ago Report
I see. Thanks.
Posted by Fizzisop 6 years ago Report
Fantastic story! Preds teasing their prey about their ultimate fate is one of my favourite things in vore and you did it very well. Personally I would have liked to have some seem some teasing after Matt was in her stomach, but that's just me.
Posted by joeburp22181 6 years ago Report
Thanks. The story was fun to write. I'll keep your suggestion in mind for another time. Cheers!