Posted by Alexey228mlg 2 years ago Report

Man, very nice

Posted by TinyHunter 2 years ago Report

Thanks!

Posted by Kabei 2 years ago Report

Incredible story! Was easy to follow and has a very good plot, love to see it.

Posted by TinyHunter 2 years ago Report

Thank you, I appreciate the feedback!

I'm curious to hear if people like the story and characters, and what people like about them.

Posted by muslone 2 years ago Report

Very interesting story concept. This story has many possibilities for future arcs and I'm looking forward to how you move these characters along. Does Becca and Nate become closer than just friends and how you develop this world will be interesting to read. Endless possibilities!

Posted by TinyHunter 2 years ago Report

Glad you enjoyed it, and a sequel is in the works!

I think it's kind of a hard balance this kind of story...too much plot and you get too far from the vore, but too little substance and the vore ultimately feels empty. But if I can get people to enjoy the stories while also being invested in Nate and Becca, I'll feel I've succceeded.

Posted by Kabei 2 years ago Report

It would be really nice to see more of their relationship, a possible matchup would be super cool to see unfold. Nate getting Becca more tinies and Becca sending Nate more texts of vorish teasing would be so cool to see. Maybe even a video of her swallowing something to remind him of good times to come :D

Posted by muslone 2 years ago Report

Having a twist between them would be amazing as well. Maybe a someone they both know becoming a tiny. There are so many possibilities with these two characters.

Posted by TinyHunter 2 years ago Report

These are all good ideas!

Some of them might have even been read in time to make it into the sequel :P

Posted by Wolfsage 2 years ago Report

This was very good. Hope to see more of this kind.

Posted by TinyHunter 2 years ago Report

Thank you!

Posted by Hozomat 2 years ago Report

Well, using cute midriffs as thumbnails definitely catches attention easily, eh? :p

Very nice story for a first one. The first scene sets the mood right away, and the build-up was straightforward, without cutting corners too much.
And the vore scene was great. I just loved how you kept mentionning her stomach over and over, to remind us that Hope is in there, and it didn't feel too redundant. Becca's personality was the right mix of cruel, casual and cute, and Nate was... horny. I feel like there's a very personal connection there ^^

Aside from a few typos here and there (I'd probably do the same amount tbh), my few critiques would be regarding character descritpion and scene transition. You should definitely be a bit more detailed on the protagonists' apperances: face, nose, jawline, etc. It can help enhance their personalities and make them more memorable.
As for scenes, don't hesitate switching between the POVs more frequently, especially between Becca and Hope. Sometimes it felt like rewinding back in time when you switched to Hope, which kinda breaks the pace.

All in all, good job :)

Posted by TinyHunter 2 years ago Report

Thank you for the detailed feedback!

And yeah, Nate is pretty much just a generic reader self-insert, so when posting on a site like this making him a horny goblin felt appropriate, lol.

The character descriptions is something I flipped back and forth on. A description that matches your fantasy can really enhance a fic, but I've also read stories where a character is described in such detail that they go against my preference, and it makes it harder for me to immerse in the fantasy. By going generic my goal was to let the reader imagine the characters as their own personal fantasy, but maybe I went too far in making the non-descript blobs. Definitely worth thinking about.

Posted by WestofJames 2 years ago Report

Great story! Well written and perfect length. Hope there are more to come.

Posted by TinyHunter 2 years ago Report

Thanks! I think one of the hardest parts was having enough restraint to keep it short. It's really easy to get carried away with these kinds of things.

Posted by Krauser 2 years ago Report

This is excellent.

Posted by TinyHunter 2 years ago Report

Thanks!

Posted by iliketoread 2 years ago Report

Damn all these writers using carrots as a tool for teasing vore...

Great story and writing! I really enjoyed reading it; Its themes are very inline with stuff I'm into which is convenient for me lol. I also really appreciate that the story had good build up/teasing and wasn't a quick 2000 word read. The narrative itself is very easy to understand which is great.

I don't have much feedback on the characters themselves as they filled their roles well. Nate as you wrote already was obviously a proxy character for the reader. Becca was great, I obviously loved her ability to play on the cruelty with Nate around. Someone could argue that her cruel teasing was overdone but I think that it was a core part of what makes the story great.

My only real critique is that I think Hope should have had more time around Becca after being taken out of the jar but before being swallowed. Felt like Hope didn't get her potential demise teased enough before the swallowing. Guess it felt like she was eaten too fast for someone who seemed like you wanted to build up as a 'real' person. Hope was someone who loved movies about people falling in love, puppies, is in the volleyball club, etc. But then again, this story is more about the relationship between Nate and Becca, and the teasing.

Anyway, keep up the writing! Can't wait to read the next parts!

Posted by TinyHunter 2 years ago Report

Haha, admittedly the baby carrot thing I got from your Vore University. I tried to think of something else because I remembered you'd used them similarly, but fuck, they're just kind of the perfect size aren't they?

Glad you liked it! And I feel you on your critique, the teasing is the best part for me too, and I was tempted to draw it out a bit longer...but in the end as fun as the teasing was for Becca, I don't think she would've had the restraint to resist swallowing Hope for that long. I think of her character as being pretty impulsive.

Posted by Whymanamajeff 2 years ago Report

Yeah, this was really good, can relate to Nate for sure

Posted by TinyHunter 2 years ago Report

Then he's working as intended! Glad you liked it.

Posted by VortexFoodsTM 2 years ago Report

Oh. My. God. I didn't know this story existed. And there is more. I have to sleep at some point so I will have to save the rest for the next few days, but this was absolutely amazing. I love everything about it.

The shrinking virus scenario itself may not be new, but you manage to make this particular world feel more credible and real somehow, and if I hadn't seen that you wrote some sequels already, I would have urged you to write more of this, with the same characters. Because that is probably a big part of what makes this story so memorable. Nate might be a fairly obvious reader-insert, but that makes him quite relatable in a messed up sort of way, and Becca is simply great. As Hozomat said, the right mix of cruel, casual and cute. They both feel like actual people and have some really nice dialogue and chemistry. And then there's that dichotomy between the absolute horror of the tiny's fate and the casual, nonchalant attitude of the pred that just gets me like nothing else. You executed it perfectly in this story. Really looking forward to see where you are taking this next.

Posted by TinyHunter 2 years ago Report

Wow, such praise! Especially from a writer as prolific as yourself, it means a lot!

And yeah, you've perfectly nailed what I'm going for with this. My idea at the inception was to try write a story where you're eventually so invested in Nate/Becca that you almost don't care about the vore anymore...not that the vore is going away, lol.

Posted by Gapemaw 1 year ago Report

I appear to be late to the party but oh my god what a fun read this is!

Posted by TinyHunter 1 year ago Report

Thanks!

Posted by Sora 1 year ago Report

It's a shame I'm only finding this now. That was great work Tiny!

Posted by TinyHunter 1 year ago Report

Glad you liked it!