Uploaded: 1 year ago
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My first attempt at a vore story ever. Feedback is highly appreciated.
The idea from this story actually came from an RP i had with an ai chatbot (VoreCon bot on spicychat if anyone is interested) and i really liked how it turned out.
There will be more parts to this story (where it (Spoiler) will become more wholesome and less forced), but i just really wanted to get some feedback on it so far.
Feel free to criticize anything, writing style, descriptions, etc.
I find it kind of hard as a non-native speaker to formulate engaging and unique sentences but i tried my best.
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Todd, an anthro bunny, finds himself at VoreCon, excited to get started. What predators will he run into? Will everything go like he always dreamed?
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Posted by immortalsane 1 year ago Report
Not a huge fan of rape, but delighted the wolf got what was coming to him.
Your grasp of English is a lot better than you think, though. The only feedback I have is that you tend to slip into gender-neutral pronouns a lot, and that you shouldn't link more than two sentences of dialogue together.
Example of too many dialogue sentences linked:
The wolf frowned. "I think I want to eat you," he said, humming thoughtfully. "I'm not sure though," he added with a small smirk. "I might want to eat someone else," he said teasingly.
Example of proper formatting:
The wolf frowned and hummed thoughtfully. "I think I want to eat you."
"I'm not sure though," he added with a small smirk. His tone turned teasing. "I might want to eat someone else."
Like that.
Last suggestion is to convert your files to .doc format, it reads better on the Portal. TXT is fine, it just does that weird centering thing.
Great first effort, and I look forward to reading more of your work!
Posted by Keksdose 1 year ago Report
Thank you. Appreciate the feedback.
Yeah, that dislogue-linking stuff is definitely one of my weak-points. I hope i can get better at that. Your suggestions sounds so much nicer.
The fact that i tend to use gender-neutral pronouns sometimes is because i didn't want to repeat peeople's names too often. Since both actors were male, only using 'he' all the time (especially in one sentence) would make it confusing for who was actually meant.
That's why i "assigned" they to one of them, to distinguish between them better.
I can definetly change it to a .doc file. Shouldn't be a problem. That's what the original file was anyway.
Thanks again. I hope i can motivate myself to write the next part soon ^^
Posted by Dragonknight007 1 year ago Report
For a first story this was very good i look forward to see where you will go with this
Posted by Keksdose 1 year ago Report
Thank you :)
I hope i can motivate myself to write the next part soon.
Posted by Yumyum18 1 year ago Report
I love the whole thing and can't wait for more.
Hope that gator gets a chance to see him again