Posted by Dudeox05 10 years ago Report

"mahogany desk"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14D5wKSVlXg

Aside from the humor, you work is always amazing! Emotional in many ways. Thank you for writing these~

Posted by Imrhys 10 years ago Report

*returns with head bandaged from brain bleaching surgery* No more links for you *finger waggles at*

Thank you, it is the emotional aspects that... well inspire me as a writer, so... glad you enjoy them ^^

And hopefully this time around, you will get to see where this is/was to go, lol. Have had a few chats with the therapist about how to cope with certain things that constantly derail my work, so we will see.

Posted by Throat_Wolf 10 years ago Report

I liked the story. I think you do really well filling out the characters by narrating the little things that go on in their lives.

Posted by Imrhys 10 years ago Report

Coming from one of the people I have followed for years, o///o Thank you!

Bit of irony here in what you pointed out. I was just telling a friend who was lamenting how to add in more setting and beat details that you do it with little things and/or having prose that does double or triple duty, lol. Guess I got it correct *chuckles*

Posted by thatonedude236 10 years ago Report

I see someone already took the Dragonball Z Abridged reference out of the barrel. :P

With that out of the way, let's get to it.

From a technique perspective, you've done quite well. A lot of what I believe are errors could be due to styles clashing more than anything else. If you'd like to go into more specifics, we could PM it. I'll be faster on the response this time.

That said, I barely noticed them until I hunkered down and started looking. Of course, this was because I was too busy enjoying the story. You put a lot of thought into what situations evoke the respective emotions and it shows. Another strong point I'll add is that you subtly mention not only a past continuity, but foreshadow the possible reappearance of Jana and possibly Im'Rhys' mistress.

You've done really well, and I hope to see more!

Posted by Imrhys 10 years ago Report

Yes, the DBZ reference has already sent me to the brain bleach barrel *groans*

Feel free to swap over to PM if you have a longer critiquing typed up anywhere or you just want to help me polish up this alpha draft ^^

Want to know the funny thing here? I don't look at situations that evoke. I write what the characters would do. Now there is also the tiny issue of I have dissociative disorder and so I'm not the only person writing these stories, ahahahaha. And ohhhh yes, I made triplely sure to mention that continuity, because i'm writing the novel of that past continuity, and know most of it very well. And yes, I've put some guns on the mantle piece I hope to use sooner than later ;)

Thank you for the lovely critiquing. It is great to know the parts I wanted this piece to show are actually in here ^^

Posted by Sergit 9 years ago Report

Hello. I just wanted to let you know that I have (finally!) gotten around to read this story, and I don't regret it at all. It will be a while until I give it the critique it deserves, since that will come after the second of third re-read, but I can give you at least, my first impressions.

The mood was set in a very good way, and each of the segments with every one of the characters conveyed very different feelings, which allowed me to symphatise with all of tem easily.

This story seems to be part of a larger narrative centered around the main character, I'm Rhys(the character, not the author X3 ). Because of this, I felt a little lost sometimes, wondering if I had missed something.

Out of curiosity, in the case this whole narrative is in your gallery here, which would be the story in which it all begins? Because if anything, reading this has made me really curious about it, and I'm sure I will understand this story much better after reading its "prequels".

Posted by Imrhys 9 years ago Report

I guess it is a good thing I had not yet rewrote and posted the revisions to this (from EPWG feedback), ahahah.

And thank you for reinforcing the most important thing for me in this serial: strong differences in characterizations.

Yeah, sorry, until last November all I have written of Im'Rhys and Minx's story (Yes, they are intertwined) is short stories here and there. In November, for NaNoWriMo, I jumped into writing the novelization and long before hitting the 25k word mark I realized I had a project beyond hammering out in four short weeks. But it started a lot of gears turning.

Ironically, this serial IS to see if Im'Rhys story is interesting enough that others will want to read more and learn of how we got "here"

Fair warning, I wrote up a "quick" synopsis for a friend here that covers all but the story arc just before this one, and just that was 5500 words, lol. IE, I've got several novels worth of "details" after seven years of meddling with Im'Rhys as a character.

If you'd like some teasers about her origins and how things got here, I have three shorts here in my gallery that will probably cause you more questions than answers, lol >_>