Posted by Randomusernom 1 year ago Report

I'm glad that Nano's turn has finally come around. I don't quite know what it is about your work, but whenever you post a new chapter of a series I'm invested in, I'm always in a super good mood and super motivated afterward. This chapter was no exception.

If you were to take some constructive criticism though, the scene where they actually all wind up in Kurumi's stomach seemed way too short. I was super glad to see you use my requests for Nano that I made oh so long ago, but they seemed kind of forced. Maybe it's a result of the digestion scene being so quick? I was glad to see it, of course, but it really seemed like it came out of nowhere, and then the story immediately moved on. It was also kind of difficult to tell just how seriously they were taking the game. They never acted like their lives were in any real danger, yet Uto was considering her wish like the other girlfriends were really gone. And again, if they were treating it like a game, the realization that they were all going to be actually digested for real just went by way too quickly.

Posted by umakeisee 1 year ago Report

I get what you mean. I feel like part of what I was going for, that the story was being influenced by Uto's perspective, was lost by sticking to the third person perspective I had used through the rest of the series.

I definitely agree that the scene of everyone accepting digestion was a bit abrupt and short. I didn't want to drag things down by getting too into each of their mindsets and circumstances. It was also a batch of girlfriends I had one or two ideas for, but mainly wanted to focus on our chuuni bard. Unfortunately, my disinterest in the other five shone through.

I always appreciate feedback. It's hard to improve without some form of criticism, so feel free to point out where I misstep in the future as well. One benefit of this type of story is I can go back and fix things, but I'll leave it as-is for now. My focus should be on the last three chapters.

Posted by Randomusernom 1 year ago Report

You're welcome. I was really hoping for more content for Nano, one of my favorite girls, but as a writer myself I know there’s only really so much you can do if you just don't care about a character. I'd be interested in rewriting this chapter myself though, if you'd allow me. It has been ages since I read the manga though, and I am a bit busy with other things so I can’t tell you when I'd actually get around to it.

Posted by umakeisee 1 year ago Report

I mean, if you're serious about rewriting it, I won't stop you. If you want, we could workshop a rewrite together to try and make things work better. Feel free to PM me if you're interested.

As for reading the manga, it is a lot to intake. I've had to re-read many chapters to find important details like character speech patterns or how they refer to each other. Good call, as Nano always uses people's full names. Luckily, every chapter is a delight, so I don't mind the extra research.

Posted by Randomusernom 1 year ago Report

I'll PM you later with a link to a Google doc with this chapter copied and pasted, and all the changes I would've made if I were writing it in red. We can talk about it more then. I'd like to see what you'll think.