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Originally this was going to be just the beggining of a much longer story, but I felt like it was long enough to stand on its own. I'm also not satisfied of the name because of that, I haven't really thought of something good to replace the og story's name. There will be a very direct sequel with the planned name, though it might take a bit of time to write with my classes resuming next week.
Set in the same setting as the last two stories. I should really find a name for it.
Also I just realized that I did the funny xenoblade thing where every women's name ends with an a.
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Posted by IddlerItaler 6 months ago Report
I see this is set on an island, probably the same one as before. I wonder if Camuloden is also where the hermit is going. The name seems inspired by Camulodunum, so we're in the British Isles equivalent?
"There was probably some omen to deduce from this, but Lucretia didn’t seek to be alone just to be annoyed by religious rules. Besides, this would most likely be used by some ‘trunk-up their ass elder’ as an excuse to get the meal Lucretia hunted herself. Better to not think about it too hard."
Lol. You did make the predators relatable. In her alone moments, Lucia even had the time to develop a theory on her psychosexual development.
Martha's final thoughts felt rather dignified. You don't see types of prey who just go "Peace out, I'll go to heaven." all that often. I'd still consider her an unwilling prey here, just a rather resigned one. Maybe at most semi-willing - that "You go man! Just a few more talks like that and she’ll be yours!" could be interpreted to mean that she took a liking to her predator, although it contrasted with the previous "For Martha, this was hell".
I got a bit of Felarya vibes from all this, with the banter between cute giantesses juxtaposed with the hunt. Now that we have a giant predator species, something I would be curious to see later down the line would be Cornelia or another Chatti getting caught up in a Nervi raid, so that they find out what it's like from the other side.
Posted by Trajan 6 months ago Report
You'll see in the next chapters. Also yeah that was inspired by Camulodunum, guess I'm not the best at hiding my inspirations.
I'm glad that they are relatable. I try to make them act like people first, even if the context of vore stuff bends their actions a bit. Also idk if that's a theory more than an observation.
Yeah, I didn't want to get trapped eternally into "prey is terrified, struggles, screams, etc.", and I wanted to keep it varied. Thus why she just accepted her fate. It can be interpreted as just deconnecting out of it as a coping mechanism.
I get what you're saying about the willingness. Honestly I'll just adopt whatever the vote says.
The hell thing was mostly physical pain, I also worded it that way to contrast with her thinking about the afterlife.
Interesting that you got Felarya vibes from it because I didn't really think about Felarya while writing it, although I do like Felarya a lot. I guess it gets similar in the themes of terrifying monsters also being just people. I really like the juxtaposition of horrible situation and people for who that's just normal, and the meeting of two uncompatible worlds that manage to interact despite all.
Can't spoil stuff but Cornelia is going to experience some stuff on her little trip.
Posted by IddlerItaler 6 months ago Report
Yea the names are very transparent in their inspirations: Latin (Cornelia, Lucretia, Ursula), Roman history (Nervi, Chatti) plus some Germanic (Sigurd, Frederich). I find it charming in a way, like some old Fire Emblem game where you would just run into a place called Thracia or Crimea.
Posted by Trajan 6 months ago Report
Yeah, don't worry that won't go away. I honestly like just picking names out of history instead of making them up, because I suck at naming stuff and it just makes them sound more natural.
Also the name 'wallian' is vaguely inspired by what the germans called the romans (walhaz or something like that, gave us welsh and wallachia iirc).
Posted by IddlerItaler 6 months ago Report
Neat! Didn't pick that one up.
Posted by Trajan 6 months ago Report
This is why they speak in times new roman btw.
Posted by FurryTastyTreat 6 months ago Report
This is amazing!
I love how vividly descriptive it is of all part of it (my favourite being the chase and the tasting). It's interesting that Martha is such an unusual pred. That was good and portrayed well.
I also liked it being shown how much a good meal meant to our pred.
Posted by Trajan 6 months ago Report
Glad you liked it.
And yeah, I try to shuffle a bit prey behaviour, else it gets boring.
Posted by FurryTastyTreat 6 months ago Report
Totally agree! Usually you only get willing prey that are eager and often horny or terrified unwilling. This is something new.
Posted by BrightSideDown 6 months ago Report
Loved the world building! Definatelt excited to see more action from the male and female nervis
Posted by Trajan 6 months ago Report
Glad you liked it. And yeah, I do tend to focus quite a bit on worldbuilding in my stories.