Posted by DMan 10 years ago Report

This is absolutely fantastic! You have to continue!!!

Posted by 4ofSwords 10 years ago Report

Thanks! I'm glad you like it! It is finished though, as much as I wanted to say with it. The rest is for your imagination. :)

Posted by DMan 10 years ago Report

Awww thats too bad it really sucks you in though. =P Excellent writing. =P

Posted by 4ofSwords 10 years ago Report

Thank you! That's really flattering. :)

Posted by Bright 10 years ago Report

It is a very nicely done scene. I like the point of view you work with here.

Posted by 4ofSwords 10 years ago Report

Thanks, Bright!

Posted by DethXev 10 years ago Report

I would really... ;)

Posted by 4ofSwords 10 years ago Report

Hehehe. We'll have to remember to stay away from 'Vore Meetups' you advertise your attendance at, I guess! :)

Posted by 1ring42 10 years ago Report

Well here's hoping for a sequel. Great story.

Posted by 4ofSwords 10 years ago Report

Thanks!

Posted by R_U_Snacksize 10 years ago Report

WOW! This is great. Fantastic and a new favorite!

Posted by 4ofSwords 10 years ago Report

Thank you!

Posted by bela 10 years ago Report

"Call me an idiot, but I didn't expect it to be such an invasion of personal space, to see her right up on my shoulder, close enough that our noses could almost touch as we stared at each other."
There is something very sexy about this situation.

Posted by 4ofSwords 10 years ago Report

:D

I think it would be somewhere between alarming and arousing, definitely.

Posted by Random74 10 years ago Report

Sweet!! I'm not the only crazy person doing NaNoWriMo on eka's.

Posted by 4ofSwords 10 years ago Report

<grin> Nah, there's a few of us!

Posted by Shyguy9 10 years ago Report

Very well written. Definitely makes me want to read more.

Posted by 4ofSwords 10 years ago Report

Thank you! :)

Posted by French_snack 10 years ago Report

First things first: This was great! Very erotic, and convincingly written. The pred's behaviour is cleverly done. Her calculated seriousness. The way she effectively dominates proceedings. The mind-play. She's disconcerting, and she knows it, and it puts her in control.

Then her attitude to him right at the end - more "human", acknowledging him more as a person. Kinder, in a sense. Yet also a new way of playing on his mind and asserting her control (as her grabbing his wrist reminds us). As he says: "Her words fit me just like a key". She knows exactly what she's doing.

Obviously, after being tantalised in this way, I was hoping to see what would happen next. But you're right: It's a good point at which to stop. It maintains the suspense. We leave the story in much the same way as the narrator is led out of the room: pleasantly troubled, aroused, uncertain, wondering where it's going.

So, did she eat him? On balance I think she did. But:

Factors suggesting she didn't:
- The narrator is telling us this story. He could hardly be doing so if he was eaten just after the events we've just read about.
- Realism. By default, the reader may be expected to assume, like most of the characters, that such things just don't happen. From our perspective it's a story, but from the characters' perspective it's real life, akin to ours in the real world.
- If she started eating him, would none of the others try to stop her? Call the police? Etc… They may all be vorarephiles, but the story starts with the issue of fantasy versus reality. Are all of them really prepared to be (as she said) accessories to murder?
- She's clearly quite prepared to mess with our minds. So can we trust anything she says?

Factors suggesting she did:
- She wants to be in control. She's getting them to follow her to a bedroom, with a promise that she's going to eat someone. Her "cred" would collapse if she didn't. It would be lame, in contradiction with her established personality, if she simply revealed that it was all just a string-along to mess with their expectations.
- The "arm scene". That introduced a very effective moment of pulling the reader out of "normality", and into a world which is not *entirely* the same as ours. It addresses the issue of realism mentioned above.

All in all: Really good! And damn you for making me think it through so much. :p

Posted by 4ofSwords 10 years ago Report

Thank you very much! I always appreciate your comments.

In response to the factors helping to determine whether she did or not, I might be able to weight them a bit more for you:

> The narrator is telling us this story.

I've essentially abandoned this restriction. For vore stories it just became too constricting. I'll generally change the point of view at the end to the predator if afterward details are needed, but it's not uncommon to have a prey character describe the sensation of being swallowed, or narrate right up until it leaves off mid-sentence.

> Realism.

I think this is the most compelling argument against. On the one hand, she all but swallowed his arm. On the other, there's a big difference between an arm and a skull. One is almost plausible. The other definitely is not.

> If she started eating him, would none of the others try to stop her?

That's a good question! I suppose she tried to control that a little bit, but it would still remain a concern.

> She's clearly quite prepared to mess with our minds.

Indeed. But... Wouldn't going through with it mess with them as well?

> Her "cred" would collapse if she didn't.

I based this character on someone I know a bit, and my thought was that she doesn't really care what the others think all that much. She might enjoy entertaining them, but she could see tricking them and having it fall flat as just as satisfying for her (the troll) as actually going through with it. As long as she got them to feel something and react along the way, that would be a win.

On balance, I wasn't willing to commit to a decision on if she did or not (though that wasn't why I stopped it where I did). But I do think that she -could-. And that she -would-. And that if it didn't happen in her room, it might very well have happened at another place, at another time.

Posted by French_snack 10 years ago Report

Regarding first person narration: Ah, OK. Personally, I get stuck on that. Something would just nag at me: I'd wonder whom he's telling the story to, when, and how. It shouldn't really matter, but it does. (Not that I've ever felt very comfortable writing first person narratives anyway.)

Regarding realism: There's always suspension of disbelief, as long as it's consistent with what's established. I think the balance is good here. She's shown us that she can do something that most people would find impossible. That prepares her audience (the other characters, and us!) to the possibility that she can go further.

If she could and would (as I thought), then indeed it simply becomes a matter of whether she feels the circumstances are right to do it now and here. Which I would say they are (despite the risk of someone trying to stop her).

Posted by R_U_Snacksize 6 years ago Report

Amazing

Posted by Rat_Guy 2 years ago Report

So, out of curiosity, why did you decide to end it there?

Posted by 4ofSwords 2 years ago Report

To leave the interesting parts to your imagination. :)